As others see us: essays
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Today ... we politely say that ... yes ... is indeed important as others sees us.
The garbage man is interested about that.
The cleaning lady.
But also ... the president or the king of the country.
Somehow, for a weird reason, difficult to be defined, are extremely important for us all those perceptions, even if we can't clearly understand why.
Unfortunately, soon after ... the influences of all those opinions change the dynamic of all.
Yes.
The way we act.
The way we dress.
The way we speak.
The way we react in front of anything.
All.
Losing ... authenticity.
That ability of being the true self.
And ... it happened to me too.
Many times.
10 years ago.
1 year ago.
Last week.
Yesterday.
... even today.
But ... i've came into a point when i'm tired of listening to them.
So ... i ignore anything they might think or say.
Even ... if some of them have good intentions.
... somehow trying to be motivational.
Fortunately, i feel and clearly know it, that i must ignore all of them.
Cause there are too many.
And ... actually too many contradictory opinions.
All being unclear.
I am a good person, an extremely bad one, a horrible character, a person obsessed of manipulating all around, or a human illusory believing that can save the world etc etc.
I can only smile.
The truth is that ... personally i don't know who i am, even if I've spent so many years into my company.
But this charade of perceptions continues.
Annoying me.
Or even making me sad.
Until is obvious that i can live without them.
So ... i disconnect.
I am on the stage of life, but i am in there more as a ghost.
I feel like that ... better.
Today i look into their eyes and i smile.
Probably, having enough of hearing all those craps, even if indeed many things which they are saying are true ... realising everything is just a perception ... i become detached.
Feeling better.
And even if i don't have the guts to express myself ... i start to realise the importance of authenticity.
So ... my whole focus change ... being a lot related with my inner world.
Which I believe is good.
At least for myself.
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I've started to write my first book at 16 ... but then ... realizing i could not publish it ... i've abandoned the idea of being a ... writer.
20 years later ... i've started to write again ... believing i will finally succeed ... but i've failed one more time ... not getting the success i was chasing for.
Another 5 years later ... i've started one more time to write ... but this time ... more as a therapy.
It's what i've defined as ... self therapy.
I was analyzing and defining lots of weird ideas ... that were a lot related to me ... and my own soul.
I totally forgot that i was chasing for success.
I was simple writing my thoughts ... in essays ... becoming this way ... maybe not a writer .... but what many define as ... an essayist.
This is not a poet ... and not a writer.
Or maybe is kind of a poet that is incapable of writing poetry ... but is still expressing his thoughts ... into a similar way ... as a poet.
And is not a writer ... cause have not the ability to write for too long time ... about the same subject.
But maybe i am not an essayist... either.
I am just an ordinary person ... that could be better defined ... as a thinker.
Analyzing ... and defining my life ... practicing this process called ... self therapy ... i started to understand life ... and the way to better paths which i should follow.
And i've wrote ... and wrote ... and wrote ... realizing one day that i've published tens of books .... not really understanding how the hell I've succeeded doing that.
Today i dare to recommend writing ... as a therapy.
I could even say ... it's a simple way of understanding who we are ... but also a process that could help us ... heal our souls.
I personally continue to ... write.
It's in fact ... a non ending story that ... at least for myself ... will probably continue for the rest of my life.
But over all ... i am glad ... i am doing it.
I continue my philosophical journey ... not being able to define myself for clear as a writer or an essayist... but ...
Well .... most probably... i am on a good path.
And ... i would dare to recommend to everyone ... all what i am doing today.
